52 · The Rebound

How to reply to a detailed response — the structure is acknowledge, reflect, extend. Acknowledge: "That's really helpful, especially what you said about econometrics becoming more central in year two." Reflect: "I originally assumed the programme might lean more heavily toward machine learning." Extend: "Do students who come in with stronger mathematics backgrounds tend to adapt more easily in the first year?" Now it becomes a conversation — and then you do what you do in conversations: get them talking about their stories, and rebound with questions so they keep talking about their stories.

Turning conversation into a call, after two or three messages: "This has actually been really helpful — if you ever have 10–15 minutes for a quick call, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience in more detail." Not pushy. Specific time.

Then the three bottlenecks beyond the first reply. One: how do you respond to a lengthy answer with gratitude while getting over the first hump and letting the connection flow — acknowledge, reflect, extend, every time. Two: how do you avoid going point-blank silent after a call — how do you maintain the relationship, build trust and reputation, and expand through them into other people? The relationship is the asset; the call is just the ignition. Three: respectfully dealing with rejection — turning a no into a yes, because nos are just steps on the way to yes.

Mental heuristic: in internal dialogue, let the subject be only you. In social dialogue, do anything to steer the conversation toward them talking about themselves and their experiences. Both go against human nature. I catch myself saying "most people are..." instead of "I am..." — a hasty generalisation that changes nothing. Rather than "most people are lazy; most people are thinkers and I'm a doer" — a stupid statement — say "I am lazy right now; that is the problem in my life; I will change it." And if that inner-dialogue pattern expands into social discussion, that's a true narcissist. Make the discussion about them, not you. I tend to steer topics toward my own stories rather than asking questions that gather information I could leverage later. In a conversation, you learn nothing from telling the same story for the fortieth time to boost your ego.

If you are the smartest, most qualified person on the subject in the room, you're in the wrong room. Always ask questions. You network by either being interested or being interesting — the latter only works short-term; the consistent variable is radical thirst for other people's stories and backgrounds. You gain nothing new by recounting your past; that's just a rant releasing the gravitational potential energy it took to get here.

When you are seeking improvement and doing due diligence: communicate your intentions, reach out, be authentic and brutally honest. Honesty, transparency and pure hearts help other people help you.

There are phases in life, and this phase is simply the phase where you run solo. There are inevitable phases at university where your entire existence flips to the complete opposite end of the pendulum — societies, networking, warm outreach, cold outreach, everything. Push into extreme solitude now; swing completely later.