11 · Open Palms

What if I released all my obsession with controlling the future into trusting God, and let my faith carry me onward? The reality is that I don't know if I will win. But I do have faith that I will try my absolute best to carry the cross forward, and I know God will unravel the right plan at the right time. It's not even about the competitions — it's about finding a way to glorify God with all the work I'm doing right now. Stop planning, guessing, fearing, lashing out, ranting, writing out schedules, routines, plans — and just walk with faith and let God guide you. I don't want to see another schedule filled with my ambitions. Just put one foot in front of the other with faith and keep pushing on and on. This is the truth of how you actually move forward. No shortcuts.

This was a defining moment for me: the first holy communion. I realised that planning out a business plan, gripping some path with conviction — at least for me — is rooted in deep fear and anxiety from stacked experiences of things not going my way. But God's way is the best, so I trust God wholeheartedly with everything I do. Stop planning what must be done by which date, forcing myself into execution, when all it does is create a destructive obsession that wrecks my emotions.

Surrender fully and let God work through you. Let God's plan be done. Genuinely, wholeheartedly — I don't care if I get into Oxbridge or U of W. I just want to do endless maths and theoretical physics; that is the end goal. Don't obsess over your plans, because they are not the best. God's plans are the best. At this point, having been knocked around so much, I don't care if I get a 3.0 GPA in Manitoba — I'll still let God do the work through me. Trust God's timing. Give all of life to God and fully surrender. I have no idea why this is the most efficient path to my goals, but this is just how the world works. Full surrender gives the best results.

All you need to do is fully commit to living out, to be and live, Christ. That embodiment will manifest the results God intends to unravel through you.

Psalm 90:4 — "A thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by." 2 Peter 3:8 — "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." God is omnipotent and omnipresent, meaning all things can be done with God, and God's timing is different from the world's time. Your interpretations are confined not only to the consciousness of humanity but, within that domain, to your consciousness. So know the truth: God has a way of making up for time. Who cares if you are "late" by the world's time, getting into university at twenty-four? It's still maths at Trinity, Cambridge, for Christ's sake. And what if your time in Manitoba was necessary to build the financial foundation? What if you learned to code, program, run ML and agentic AI — and alongside it built an online SaaS business making £3k a month that helps you massively? What if it grows during your time at Cambridge to £100k MRR before freshers? What would that version of yourself say to the version right now, with £500 in his bank account, toiling to figure out what these marking schemes for eigenvalues and second-order non-homogeneous equations are? "Stop asking whether you're late. You're exactly on time for the path that was yours. The Manitoba years weren't a detour — they were the foundation. The £500 is a comma, not a full stop. The pain you feel right now is the compression before the expansion. Keep going. Not because it's easy, but because you already know the ending." You will feel like the pain will never end, but a very small part of you knows it will — so clench your rosary, glare at your Bible, cry with God, pray to Jesus. Do anything it takes to move forward.

The Hero's Arc — the phase you are in. Constant rejection; you see the vision, and you attack it fully. God does not operate linearly. God's timing is the complete opposite of what the laws of physics appear to obey. It goes backward, then zooms you to the finish line. Let it happen.